


Safe

by Laparoscopic



Category: El Goonish Shive
Genre: Bondage, Exposure therapy, Friendship, Gen, Touching, neuroses
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-14
Updated: 2018-05-14
Packaged: 2019-05-04 08:06:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,291
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14588652
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Laparoscopic/pseuds/Laparoscopic
Summary: Susan asks Sarah for some unorthodox help.





	Safe

**Author's Note:**

> Maybe a little OOC... doesn't really fit anywhere into my "main" EGS story line, so it's a stand-alone, kinda, though the triad of Sarah-Tedd-Grace is still lurking there in the background.

“You’re _really_ sure you want to do this?” Sarah asked Susan, for the third time in as many minutes.

Susan looked away from her bed, with its innocent-looking stack of scarves piled by the pillow. She sighed silently to herself, and forced herself to smile at Sarah. She was afraid that her smile wasn’t terribly convincing. “Yes. Now stop asking me that, or I might say no.”

Sarah shrugged. “You can always say no if you want to—”

“I know. I know. That’s the only reason I’m considering this in the first place.” She hesitated a moment, then asked, “You _have_ washed your hands recently, right?”

Sarah gave Susan an understanding smile. “Yes. You heard me in the bathroom, not five minutes ago.”

“Right. Right.” Susan knew that, but she had felt compelled to ask anyway.

“So.” Sarah cleared her throat, and smiled awkwardly back at Susan. “Speaking of saying no. Tell me your safe words.”

Susan nodded jerkily. “ABC. Avocado means urgent, _instant_ full stop. Banana means slow down, maybe take a break. And carrot means I’m done. We’re done. The…the _scene_ is done.”

Sarah nodded. “Avocado-banana-carrot. Okay. And speaking of safety, if I should, I don’t know, pass out or something, you’ll be able to untie the knots on your wrists by pulling on the loose end with your teeth.”

Susan was startled. That was not something she had considered, but she was glad Sarah had. She nodded. “Okay.”

Sarah took a deep breath and rolled her head on her neck. She looked up into Susan's eyes and held her gaze steadily. “So. That’s three times you’ve said yes to this. Let’s do this thing. Am I in charge, now?”

Susan regarded her friend for a long moment, her heart pounding in her chest. She trusted Sarah, more than any other person in the world. That was the only reason they were here, together. Her mouth gone suddenly dry, she had to try twice before she could say, “You are.”

A subtle shift occurred in Sarah’s features. A firmness that Susan had never seen there before. Sarah nodded slowly, a hint of a smile appearing on her serious face. “Yes. Yes I am.” She took another deep breath, and as she exhaled, her posture relaxed a bit, and the smile grew. Not warmer, but broader. Sharper. When she spoke, it was with a firm, quiet surety that Susan had rarely heard before.

“Strip.”

Susan’s eyes went wide and she jerked back away from Sarah. _“What?”_

Sarah arched an eyebrow. “It’s one word. What part of it don’t you understand?”

Susan swallowed, and licked her lips. “I…it’s just…I…uh…”

“Take. Off. Your. Clothes,” said Sarah slowly and deliberately. “You want me to touch you? Fine. I’m _going_ to touch you. You. Not your clothes. _You_.”

Susan stared at Sarah, her mind a blank, even as her hands began to unbutton her shirt. Sarah nodded in approval at this progress. “I had considered waiting until you were tied to the bed, and taking your clothes off for you,” she said casually. Susan sucked in a sharp breath at the image. “But thinking about it, I decided it would be best to have you do it yourself. To show your commitment to this experience.”

Susan paused, her shirt fully unbuttoned, suddenly feeling terribly shy. It wasn’t as if Sarah hadn’t seen her naked before, on many disparate occasions, but this—this was something else altogether.

Sarah arched an eyebrow at Susan as she hesitated. “Am I going to have to ask you again?” she said mildly. “Who’s in charge here?”

Susan swallowed. “You are,” she whispered.

“Right. So anything you do is not your responsibility. It’s mine. You only get to do something because I tell you to do it. These aren’t your choices, they’re _mine_.” Her smile acquired a sharp little edge for a moment. She leaned a little closer to Susan, her lips brushing gently against her ear. “ _Submit,_ ” she whispered encouragingly. Susan shivered, both at the feather-light touch, and the word.

Susan was fascinated by the change in Sarah’s personality. This was a forceful side of her old friend that she had never seen before, never imagined. When she had first conceived of the idea of letting Sarah tie her up and touch her, so she could get used to being touched, the only reason she had considered Sarah for the task was simply that she couldn’t imagine letting anyone _else_ through her defenses. It wasn’t because she considered Sarah a dominant personality; it was because Sarah was the one person in the world that she trusted so much.

Susan bit her lip and let her shirt slide off her shoulders and down her arms, to fall onto the floor. She started to bend over to pick it up, wanting to fold it neatly, but Sarah said, “Leave it.”

Susan flinched, then nodded jerkily. Sarah tilted her head, glancing pointedly at Susan’s bra. Susan reached between her breasts to unhook it, then let it fall off her shoulders to the floor behind her. Sarah continued watching her, waiting patiently. Susan was relieved that there was no overt lust in Sarah’s gaze, just quiet expectation. Expectation of compliance. She quickly unbuttoned her shorts, then slid both her shorts and panties together down her legs and stepped out of them.

Sarah smiled and nodded. “Good. Step one.” She gestured to Susan’s bed. “Now, lie down.”

Susan took a deep breath, nodded, and sat on the edge of the bed. This was her idea, she reminded herself. Well, not the nudity part. But she had asked Sarah to restrain her. After first dancing around the subject for forty-five minutes, true, but she _had_ asked her. To tie her down. To touch her, to help her get used to being touched. Exposure therapy. Being touched by someone she trusted. Someone she loved. Someone who cared enough to push her past her comfort levels, but also someone whom she trusted to stop just before those limits were critically breached.

Apparently, Sarah thought Susan’s limits were much higher than Susan did.

Susan lay back on the bed, and Sarah picked up the stack of scarves that Susan had selected. Soft enough to be gentle on her skin, but old and worn enough that she wouldn’t care if they got stretched or torn.

Sarah selected a scarf and pulled Susan’s right arm over her head, gently tying it into place, securing the other end to the bedpost. She worked efficiently, without fumbling, securing Susan’s hand with a knot that didn’t cut off circulation, but that Susan was pretty sure she couldn’t just wiggle out of. The whole process suggested to Susan that perhaps this wasn’t the first time Sarah had tied someone down. She tried to ignore the quiver in her stomach that that mental image produced. She noticed that each of the knots binding her wrists had a rather prominent corner of cloth sticking out of them, presumably the release Sarah had mentioned.

As Sarah worked on restraining Susan’s legs, Susan lay staring at the ceiling, trying to keep her breathing under control. Sarah spoke to her quietly. “This isn’t about sex. I know you’ve got no interest in me that way. This is just touch, pure and simple. But, I _am_ going to touch you. Every single square inch of your body.”

Susan blanched at the notion. _Surely she doesn’t mean that_ ** _literally_** _,_ she thought. She lifted her head to look down the length of her body at Sarah. Sarah returned her gaze with cool regard, and Susan’s hopes wilted. _Oh, god, she_ ** _does_** _,_ she realized. She was suddenly very aware of Sarah’s position, crouched at the foot of the bed between her feet, staring up the length of her body. Staring right into her crotch. Her legs weren’t tied uncomfortably far apart, but they _were_ apart. She was sure her vulva was visible, even through her thatch of dark blue pubic hair. She futilely tried to clench her thighs together. Her buttocks squeezed together protectively. Sarah, still squatting at Susan’s feet, noticed the subtle motion, and she gave a small, wintery smile. “Every. Single. Inch,” she reiterated.

Susan closed her eyes for a brief moment and let her head flop back onto the bed. _I can always safe-word out_ , she reminded herself. _Or…I can just let it happen. Accept it. It’s beyond my control. It’s all her choice, not mine._ Although she was aware of the irony of that statement, since it was _her_ choices that had got her into this situation in the first place. She opened her eyes to see Sarah now standing beside the bed, and gave her an acknowledging nod. “All right.”

Sarah laughed quietly. “As if I needed your approval.” She ran a single finger across the top of Susan’s right foot. “ _I’m_ in charge,” she reminded Susan. “You’ve given up choice. Free will. Decisions. I’ll touch you whenever I want, _wherever_ I want, be it knee”—a quick, soft stoke—“or hip”—just a knuckle, gently rapping her protruding hip bone—“or breast.” Sarah briefly cupped Susan’s breast in her hand. She let it rest there just a moment, gazing into Susan’s eyes, looking slightly curious. As if gauging Susan’s reaction. Susan’s breathing deepened, a nervous response, not arousal. Sarah didn’t caress her, she just held her for a moment. Like she’d said. Just touch.

Sarah let go of Susan’s breast, and Susan relaxed a little at the release.

Sarah cupped her chin in one hand and murmured playfully, “Where to start, where to start?” Her gaze swept the length of Susan’s body dispassionately, and Susan blushed a little at being inspected like an experimental subject.

“Let’s start simple,” said Sarah. She paused for a moment, giving Susan just enough time to wonder, _What does “simple” mean to her?_ , then she sat on the edge of the bed by Susan’s head. She took Susan’s right hand in her left, and interlaced their fingers. She sat there, with a small smile on her face, just studying their joined hands where they rested on the bed, bound beside Susan’s head. For almost a full minute she sat, barely moving, just her thumb sliding up and down along the side of Susan’s thumb. Susan slowly felt herself relax as she got used to feeling her hand in Sarah’s.

Sarah released Susan’s hand, and looked her in the face. “There. Not so bad, eh?” Susan shook her head. “Shall we step it up a little?”

Without waiting for a response, Sarah reached over to stroke Susan’s cheek. Susan failed to suppress her automatic flinch, but Sarah ignored that response, and lightly traced her fingers across Susan’s forehead, then back down her other cheek. She gently ran her fingers across Susan’s eyelids, forcing Susan to blink, then outlined the length of her nose, and brushed across her lips. Leaning forward, Sarah brought both hands into play, cupping Susan’s face in both hands, letting her thumbs gently press into Susan’s jaw muscles for a moment.

“Relax,” Sarah said.

Susan hadn’t even been aware that she was clenching her teeth until Sarah brought her attention to it. She relaxed her jaw and wiggled it from side-to-side for a moment, willing her muscles to loosen up.

“You know I love you. I would never intentionally hurt you,” Sarah went on quietly, as her hands continued their journey across Susan’s body. “You can stop me with a word. You’re safe.” Her hands encircled Susan’s bicep, and slid up the length of her arm, back to her hand for a moment. “Do you feel safe?” She paused and looked inquiringly at Susan, holding hands with her again.

Susan thought for a moment. She was on edge, nervous, certainly, but—safe? She was pleased to find that, despite the anxiety and nerves she was feeling, she _did_ feel safe with Sarah. She squeezed Sarah’s hand in hers and nodded wordlessly.

“Good. Don’t be afraid to say ‘banana’ if you ever don’t.” Sarah slid her hands back down Susan’s arm, then separated them at the top of Susan’s chest. “The whole point of this exercise is to get you comfortable with being touched, and you can’t do that if you feel threatened.”

Sarah slid her hands side-by-side down the length of Susan’s torso to her hips. Even though it was the first time anyone had ever stroked her breasts, it was probably the _least_ erotic sensation Susan could have imagined. Almost clinical. Dispassionate.

Safe.

She took a deep breath, and tried to let go of some of her tension as Sarah slid her hands up the right side of her torso. Susan was a bit ticklish, but Sarah seemed to be applying just the right amount of pressure to not tickle her—not so light as to be teasing her skin, not so heavy as to be digging into her ribs. She pressed the palms of her hands firmly into Susan’s armpit, apparently trying to avoid any finger-point pressure that might tickle, but Susan involuntarily twitched and gasped, a helpless little giggle escaping from her at the touch. Her arms tensed for a moment, as she tried to defensively bring her arms down to cover her armpits, but the restraints held her in place.

Sarah’s hands kept moving up to the top of Susan’s shoulders. “Got through that with less giggling than I expected.”

Susan giggled a little more, a nervous response instigated by the tickle, and she nodded in agreement. Sarah squeezed the tops of Susan’s shoulders, and Susan’s giggles cut off, as she felt her shoulders relax. “Oh, my,” she gasped. Sarah smiled at that response, and her hands drifted back down Susan’s chest. She pressed her thumbs a little harder into Susan’s pecs, remaining above the breast tissue, just massaging the muscles below her collar bones. After a few moments of this impromptu massage, Sarah stood up, and walked to the other side of the bed, where she repeated her actions on the left side of Susan’s body.

When Sarah finished running her hands up and down Susan’s left arm, she shifted so she was kneeling beside Susan and slid her hands under Susan’s neck. She dug her fingertips into Susan’s scalp, sliding her hands around under her head and lifting it a bit as she massaged the scalp. Susan closed her eyes and whimpered a little, for the first time actually enjoying being touched. Her long flowing hair was her one vanity, but the weight of it _did_ wear on her at times. Quite literally. Sarah’s fingers seemed to drain away any of the tension she was holding in her scalp. Susan zoned out for a moment, lost in the sensation, listening to the soft _scritch-scritch_ noise of Sarah’s fingertips rubbing through her hair.

Sarah gently slid her hands out from under Susan’s head, setting it back down on the bed. Susan opened her eyes, and smiled shyly at Sarah. “That was…nice,” she said quietly.

Sarah smiled back. “Good. You’re doing great, sweetie.”

Susan was surprised by how much that simple praise warmed her. When envisioning this whole scene, she had never been certain she would be able to endure more than a minute or two before safe wording out. But her automatic desire to pull away, to withdraw from Sarah’s touch, was fading. Her desire to overcome her fears was still dominant, allowing them to go on. She felt a little proud at that.

Sarah rose to her feet, and let her hands glide down the length of Susan’s body as she shifted towards Susan’s feet. Before Susan could even anticipate the action, Sarah’s hand had traveled across her groin on its way to her leg, one hand slipping down her inner thigh so the side of her hand brushed her labia in passing. Then she moved on to Susan’s thighs and knees, without pause or comment.

Susan was a bit taken aback. She had been nervous about Sarah’s promise to touch “every square inch” of her body, but the actual touch on her genitals was dispassionate and unobjectionable. Sarah was the first person (aside from Dr. Jabir, a pedantic part of her mind noted) to touch her _there_ , but her touch was, if not as clinical as the gynecologist’s, at least it wasn’t as invasive, either. Susan gave a little sigh of relief.

Sarah paused, her hand on Susan’s calf, and Susan could see Sarah’s mask slip for a moment as she looked up into Susan’s eyes. “Is everything okay?” she asked quietly, concern tinting her visage. “You’re still fully with me, aren’t you?”

Susan gave that a moment’s thought. She realized she had been starting to slip into her head, retreating from Sarah’s touch, but she was back now. She nodded. “Yeah. I’m with you.”

Sarah blinked slowly, and when her eyes opened up again, her domineering mask was back in place, watching Susan with cool amusement. “Good. I wouldn’t want to have to cut our play time short.”

It was weird, but having Sarah touch her vulva, however briefly, somehow made her touch less intimidating. Susan was able to relax into the stroke of Sarah’s hands across and around her legs and feet, even relaxing enough to whimper quietly when Sarah dug her thumbs into the arch of her foot.

Sarah slid her hands up the length of Susan’s body, on the outsides of her thighs and hips this time, as her hands returned to Susan’s wrists. She tugged on a scarf, loosening the knot, and looked at Susan. “So, I need you to turn over, if I’m going to touch everything. Can’t reach your back like this. Should I tie you up again once you’re face down, or will you be a good girl and hold still for me?”

Susan considered the question as Sarah moved down to untie her ankles. “I…think I don’t need the restraints. As long as…” she blushed.

“As long as?”

Susan bit her lip, then addressed her concern as bluntly and simply as she could. “As long as your promise to touch every inch of my body doesn’t include my…my anus.”

Sarah chuckled. “Honestly, I hadn’t planned on going _that_ deep into the cleft of your buttocks. I figured that would be _way_ outside your comfort zone.”

Susan snorted. “Too true. Well, then…can I try without?”

“Sure.” Sarah’s expression shifted to a slightly menacing smile as she added, “I can always tie you up again later if I want.”

Susan suppressed a giggle at Sarah’s “threat”, then rolled over onto her stomach, crossing her arms under her head. After a half-hour of being tied face-up, her breasts and groin on display, lying face-down felt almost normal. Certainly more relaxing.

Sarah pulled Susan’s long hair off her back and piled it loosely next to her head. What followed wasn’t quite a massage. Sarah wasn’t pressing hard into her muscles, but she did stroke Susan all up and down the length of her body, her hands gliding slowly across her back, buttocks, and legs.

And, as promised, she left Susan’s anus alone.

After a long, slow stroke, from head to toe, Sarah said, “Close your eyes.”

Susan almost asked why, but then she remembered. “You’re the boss,” she murmured quietly, as she complied.

Sarah gave a breathy little laugh. “Damn straight.” She lifted her hands from Susan’s back, and there came a slight pause. Susan lay there, sightless, wondering what Sarah was up to for several quiet moments.

“You’ve been doing remarkably well so far. Let’s see how you do if you can’t see my touch coming.”

Susan tensed a little at the notion, then she took a deep breath and tried to calm herself. _It’s still just Sarah,_ she reminded herself. _It’s not going to be anything I can’t handle._

Even so, she flinched slightly as Sarah laid a hand on her calf. Sarah left her hand there for a moment, gently squeezing the muscle, until Susan relaxed. Then her touch receded, and Susan waited again for the next touch. And the next.

Sarah varied her touches, sometimes touching two places at once, sometimes waiting a full minute without touching Susan, letting anticipation build. After five or so minutes of this (Susan recognized that her sense of time was probably unreliable at the moment), Sarah began to quietly speak.

“I know some touches are scary, threatening, or even dangerous, and withdrawing from those touches is the right thing to do. But that’s not the case right now. You belong to me right now, and I won’t hurt you. I’ll keep you safe.”

Susan felt herself finally completely relax, listening to Sarah. Sarah kept talking quietly to her, soothingly, almost hypnotically, as her touches became gentler and more prolonged, and all of Susan’s flinches disappeared. She didn’t quite fall asleep, but she felt like she was floating, just enjoying— _enjoying! What an alien concept!_ —Sarah’s touches.

At long last she felt the bed shift, and she cracked one eye open to see Sarah lying down beside her, her hand resting in the middle of Susan’s back. Her face was less than a foot away, shining with an affectionate smile. “How’re you doing?” Sarah asked.

Susan didn’t respond verbally, but she rolled onto her side and snuggled up against Sarah, draping an arm across her belly and hugging her tight. Sarah chuckled, sounding pleased.

Susan shifted and scooted down a little so she could lay with her head on Sarah’s chest, enjoying the warmth of the touch. “Can we be done, now?” she asked.

“If you want. What’s the magic word?”

“Carrot.”

Susan felt Sarah relax underneath her, her muscles losing a subtle tension that Susan hadn’t even realized was there. “Oh, good,” Sarah said. She kissed the top of Susan’s head. “I wasn’t sure how much longer I could have kept that up. I don’t usually play the dominant that long. It’s kind of exhausting.”

Susan pulled back—just a bit, not fully letting go of Sarah—in order to look Sarah in the face. “So…you’ve done this kind of thing before?”

Sarah laughed. “Well, not _exactly_ like this, no. But Tedd occasionally likes to have Grace and me…tell him what to do.”

“Him?”

Sarah picked up on the subtext of Susan’s question. “Yeah. For some reason, only when he’s male.” Sarah shrugged. “In any event, this wasn’t my first rodeo.” She snickered. “Even if this rodeo involved more hand-holding than face-sitting.”

“Face-sitting?”

“Yeah, that’s when Grace or I—”

“I _know_ what it means, thank-you-very-much,” Susan interrupted hurriedly. “I just meant—oh, never mind.” She snuggled back in against Sarah, relaxing a little more. Now that the tension of being under Sarah’s control was gone, she felt even more comfortable with touching her. She said, “So, I’m not the first person you’ve tied up.”

“Nope. But usually Grace is the one calling most of the shots. I just follow her lead.”

“Really? _Grace?”_ Susan went a little cross-eyed as she tried to picture that. “But, she’s so…so _sweet_.”

Sarah chuckled. “Watch out for the sweet ones. They have hidden depths.”

Susan considered that. Thought about Sarah’s triad playing with bondage games. _Tedd likes being…told what to do?_ She wondered why that thought gave her a little thrill. She certainly had never considered Tedd in that light before. But the thought of having someone else tied up. Someone male. At _her_ mercy… She shivered.

Sarah interrupted her musings. “How are you doing? Rather, how are _we_ doing? Are you… was this all okay for you? What you wanted? Not too much?”

Susan pulled her lurid imagination back to reality, glad Sarah couldn’t see the blush on her face. “Okay? Yes. Most definitely. I was…taken aback, at first, when you told me to strip. But I guess you knew what you were doing. It worked out well.”

Sarah gave a little sigh, sounding relieved. “Oh, good. So, we’re good?”

Susan snorted. “Sarah. I’m cuddled up to you and still buck naked. What do _you_ think?”

Sarah laughed. “I guess there is that.”

Susan considered Sarah’s comment about the difficulty of playing her role. “And you? Are you okay too?”

Sarah gave the question a moment’s thought. “Yeah. It was exhausting, and a little weird at times, but I’m happy I could do this with you. For you.”

“What was weird for _you_?”

Sarah shrugged, jiggling Susan’s head a little. “I’ve only ever done this kind of thing with Tedd and Grace. And only ever in a sexual context. I spent a fair bit of time thinking about this the last few days, figuring out how to make it all work, non-sexually. Power and control combined with loving friendship, not sex.”

“Oh. Yeah, I can see how that might be odd. I didn’t know you’d had _any_ experience with this kind of thing before. Though that’s probably just as well. I would have been afraid to ask you if I’d known.”

“Then I’m glad you didn’t. Uh, know, I mean. I’m glad you asked.”

“Me too. Thanks. For everything.”

Susan sat up and stretched, then bent down to pick up her clothes from the floor. She dressed quickly, then turned to Sarah, who was still sitting on the edge of the bed.

“Well. I don’t think I’m ready to go around hugging random strangers, but…” She shot Sarah an impish grin. “Come on. Let’s go see how Tedd reacts to an unexpected glomp.” Without waiting for a reply, she walked out of her bedroom.

“Susan?” she heard Sarah’s voice behind her. “Uh, really? That’s a joke, right?”

Susan giggled to herself as she headed down the stairs.

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Not actually a therapeutically recommended approach to coping with touch aversion... :-p
> 
> Thanks to Zee McZed for beta-reading & inspiration.


End file.
